Convincing Kisuke
by Cuzosu
Summary: Summary inside; it's too long to fit here. Warning: yaoi threesome. Not explicit here, but it will be on AFF.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Convincing Kisuke**

**Author: Cuzosu**

**Rating: M**

**Summary:** After the Winter War, Urahara Kisuke's exile is revoked. Ukitake Jûshirô wants to convince him to come back to Seireitei and take up the mantle of captain again, but Unohana says he can't go to the living world alone. Kyoraku Shunsui is the man best suited to help Ukitake and aid in talking Urahara around, so Jûshirô shows up in Squad Eight's headquarters with a smile and sound reasoning and absconds with his old friend. But Urahara Kisuke is a sly and stubborn man, and words alone aren't going to change the blond's mind. It's time for Shunsui and Jûshirô to show just how effective they are as a team...

* * *

**Convincing Kisuke: Chapter One**

Ukitake Jûshirô had been thinking about who would best fill the captain-shaped voids in Squads Three, Five and Nine. He'd already suggested Muguruma Kensei for Squad Nine - again - and the Vizard had accepted. And he'd sent offers to the other former captains among the Vizards, but so far the former captains had refused. And it didn't look like any of them but Kensei would return to Seireitei.

Which left a captain-shaped hole in Squad Three, and another in Squad Five, and the - currently eleven - captains of the Gotei Thirteen with a problem. A problem which Yamamoto-sama was relying on Ukitake to find viable solutions to.

Actually, he'd thought up a pretty good one, but first he had to go to the Living World, which required clearance from his primary physician, Unohana Retsu.

"Not without someone who is familiar with your illness and a captain as well. And I am needed here." The braided captain gazed calmly at him after apologizing for not being more help, but Jûshirô was having none of that.

"No, no, don't apologize," he told her. "Please, you do more than enough, and if you can't go with then I'm sure you have pressing duties here. I'll...I'll talk to the captain-commander and see what he thinks is doable."

* * *

Yamamoto Genryûsai Shigekuni eyed his subordinate and former student. This notion was typically...creative...of Ukitake. Oh, it wasn't like he was _mad _at the white-haired captain; far from it. Certain levels of inventiveness and battle savvy were expected of any Gotei ranking officer - no, _encouraged_. But...

"You want me to send two of my most experienced captains to the Living World in order to convince a former exile - a man who is capable of creating such as this Hôgyoku without assistance - to rejoin the Gotei Thirteen as a captain?"

Jûshirô paused a moment to think up the best way to assuage this argument. "...well, the old adage holds true here, I think, sir. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Though really, I doubt he's an enemy; he didn't have to train young Kurosaki or aid our shinigami when they get sent to the Living World. Nor did he have to gather his and Kurosaki's friends, teachers, and allies and ensure that all would fight against Aizen."

The aged captain sighed. "That I cannot refute. I will try to get the Central 46 to accept him back, providing he agrees to return. But if he is unwilling, I will not waste my effort."

White hair waved as Jûshirô bowed in acquiescence. "Yes, sir."

* * *

Kyôraku Shunsui was on the roof. Again. And not just any roof, but one where his lovely lieutenant was unlikely to find him. It was too nice a day for paperwork; he'd much rather be outdoors, drinking sake and soaking in the sun. So when his oldest friend showed up and required his presence, Shunsui reserved the right to bitch and moan about losing his nap - though he was well aware of the fact that Jûshirô knew he was just talking to hear himself talk, since Jûshirô had long since become inured to Shunsui's over-the-top shenanigans.

"Sorry to interrupt," the white-haired captain said unrepentantly, "but Retsu-san says I'm not allowed to go to the Living World without someone of captain level who is familiar with my condition. And since she is not currently available, my friend, that leaves you."

Shunsui sighed and acted as if he was put out by the autocratic way Jûshirô was demanding what they both knew the brunette would give anyway. But he stood and followed his fellow captain.

First they dropped by to inform Nanao-chan that her captain would be absent for a time - at which she seemed to be torn between relief and irritation - and then they went to Shunsui's quarters to get him packed in short order. Next of course was packing for Jûshirô himself, though Shunsui pitched in with the ease of long familiarity.

It took a mere half hour for the duo to have everything packed, and then they dropped by the First's headquarters to speak to their leader and former teacher. The chat was quick and more of a formality than anything else, since Yamamoto knew full well they could protect themselves and, at need, each other. And their squads were left in capable hands, so, since Seireitei was currently at peace and life was going back to normal, he all but shooed them out the door to do what they could to find captains for the two remaining captain-less squads.

Then it was back to Ukitake's residence to fetch what luggage they had. And, finally, opening the senkaimon and trekking through to Urahara's shop. It was the blond himself who greeted them, fan waving with obnoxious cheer, gray-green eyes twinkling mischief.

"Ukitake-san! Kyôraku-san! What brings you here so unexpectedly, might I ask?" Despite the phrasing, it was not a request. If they were staying with him, he was essentially demanding to be told.

Jûshirô bit back a smile. They would have told him anyway. Shunsui smiled faintly and yawned. "Got a room I can set the packs in? Jû interrupted my nap, and I'm tired."

Gray-green eyes sharpened almost unnoticeably with annoyance. But Ukitake was paying attention and saw the slight narrowing of eyelids, the minute downward curl his lips adopted.

He smiled just a touch ingratiatingly and said, "If you don't mind, I could tell you on the way - and then we wouldn't have to hear him gripe."

Shunsui snorted. "Hah, so much for that theory! I'll voice my opinion anyway, Jû. You dragged me off the roof!" He didn't bother to think about how this would sound to anyone who didn't know him because Ukitake most definitely did, and Urahara was fairly familiar with his habits as well.

Urahara eyed the brunette disappointedly - and perhaps with a very slight bit of annoyance showing in his eyes - for a moment, then chidingly said, "Kyôraku-san, you didn't need to come all the way here just to borrow a roof!"

This snide remark startled chuckles out of the two older captains. Ukitake coughed a little as his amusement faded into quiet humor, then spoke.

"Ah, well, it wasn't his choice to come, exactly," he began, but Kyôraku's scoffing snort belied his words. "At least," he corrected himself, "not at first. Our visit has to do with the vacant captaincies."

Those expressive eyes darkened; Kisuke had no problems comprehending why they were staying in the living world. Jûshirô wondered if perhaps he'd even been expecting it. He certainly had enough experience with the high-handed (and often hardheaded) actions taken by Central 46 and Seireitei. It wasn't unbelievable that the blond might have become jaded.

"I see," said Urahara, fan hiding his face again. "Are you just hoping to reside here while you go about Gotei business, or do you have something else in mind?"

Jûshirô smiled, both in recognition of the blond's intelligence and in an attempt to disarm the tension. "Both, I suppose. I was tasked with finding capable people to fill the empty posts, and...well, it's either you or the Vizards, and -"

Kisuke snorted. "And you thought you'd come here and try to talk me around when you weren't trying to talk the Vizards around." He turned away, saying shortly, "Let me put it simply." The fan snapped shut in an irritated wave over his shoulder as he started walking. "No."

Shunsui grabbed his old friend and shunpo'd to the roof before Jûshirô could open his mouth and dig them any deeper. Urahara happy was annoying, but tolerable and often quite amusing. Urahara bored was a recipe for disaster. Urahara _angry _was something the brunette had no intention of even _trying _to deal with; look what had happened to Aizen, who'd thought he could handle an angry Urahara! It just wasn't wise!

They landed lightly on the rooftop and the irascible rogue in the pink haori let go in favor of kicking back and pouring himself some sake.

The white-haired captain slipped effortlessly back into scolding mode. "Shunsui! You shouldn't drag people around by their clothes!"

"Oh, so it's okay to drag them by their hair?" joked the brunette.

Narrowed eyes told him the answer to that one, though Jûshirô was fairly certain he'd known beforehand. After all, Shunsui enjoyed teasing others. "Of course not!" He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _barbarian. _"But I was -"

"About to dig our efforts one hell of a grave," interrupted Shunsui. "You put him on guard, Jû, and after being so thoroughly exiled over an incident that wasn't even his fault, he's not going to agree easily. If he does at all. Let the man be; we'll catch him off guard some other time." He smiled, lazy and content, as he added, "You're letting your enthusiasm run away with you again, my friend."

Once he'd thought about it rationally for a moment, Jûshirô even admitted he was right.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope y'all enjoyed this so far! I'm working on more chapters for all of my stories...but there are so many stories that the chapters are rather slow in coming, and for that I apologize. But *confesses* I find that I write faster under pressure, so by all means, if you feel I'm taking too long, PM me and whine or demand of me, eh?


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Convincing Kisuke**

**Author: Cuzosu**

**Rating: M**

**Summary: **After the Winter War, Urahara Kisuke's exile is revoked. Ukitake Jûshirô wants to convince him to come back to Seireitei and take up the mantle of captain again, but Unohana says he can't go to the living world alone. Kyoraku Shunsui is the man best suited to help Ukitake and aid in talking Urahara around, so Jûshirô shows up in Squad Eight's headquarters with a smile and sound reasoning and absconds with his old friend. But Urahara Kisuke is a sly and stubborn man, and words alone aren't going to change the blond's mind. It's time for Shunsui and Jûshirô to show just how effective they are as a team...

**A/N: **I wrote part of this during the time I was writing the second chapter of _A Cupful of __Heartache, _one of my other Bleach yaoi stories, because my humor had to go somewhere and because writing pissed off Kisuke in one story (_Heartache_) made the Kisuke in the other (_CK_, here) want to be pissed off and have to be pushed into a better mood. And then my sense of humor asserted itself. Therefore this chapter is probably going to come across as crack-ish. I promise I don't do drugs, nor was I drinking while writing this; it's just my humor making itself known. (I have an odd and sometimes extreme sense of humor, so if I've taken things too far, I'm sorry at the moment but I know that sooner or later, in this fic or another, I'll do it again. Hopefully you'll love me in spite of - or if I'm lucky, because of - it.)

* * *

**Chapter Two:**

Dinner that night was a strange affair, with Kisuke pointedly avoiding them. Oh, Tessai and the children nattered on about anything and everything, but it just wasn't the same. And then Yoruichi arrived.

She wandered in as a cat and didn't even deign to notice them as she sauntered into her room to change and dress. When she came back, that sharp gaze swept the room and one elegant eyebrow lifted, her gold eyes glinting with annoyed humor. "So what did you do to piss Kisuke off?" she asked them bluntly.

"What makes you think he's pissed off, Yoru-chan?"

Yoruichi graced him with a scathing, subtle sneer. "Don't insult my intelligence, please. Kisuke always eats out here when we have company, unless someone has pissed him off enough that he'd rather be rude and spend extra time in his lab." Her display of temper would have been outrageous, but both captains knew she was just looking out for her best friend and former subordinate.

Jūshirō winced and held up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. When her eyes narrowed, he knew she wasn't going to calm down unless they came up with a reason she'd accept. "Ah, sorry about that, Yoruichi. How were we to know he'd get that mad just because we asked him to rejoin the Gotei again?"

Those gold eyes pinned him in place. "In other words, you were trying to use him. Again."

"No!" Aghast, the words leapt from his mouth without thought. "I just thought - well, he didn't deserve to be exiled any more than the Vizards did, and since only Kensei has so far accepted...there's nothing wrong with trying to get him to come back, is there?"

Kyōraku frowned slightly and added, "He was a fun drinking buddy, too, and that mind keeps everyone on their toes. I enjoy having him around - and even the Captain-Commander had no objections to allowing him back."

The woman glared at him - and at Jūshirō - one hand on her hip. "...fine. But I suggest you try _not _to get him riled again while you're here. He might be nice enough to let you off with words of warning, but that doesn't mean everyone here will do the same."

Translation: _Next time you piss him off this badly, __**you **__get to find a way to make him eat a meal._

As she stalked off with her own dinner and an extra portion besides - presumably to pester Kisuke herself - Jinta snickered. "Man, talk about putting your foot in your mouth!" he laughed. "First with Urahara-san, and then again with _her!" _Apparently this struck him as absolutely hilarious. Beside him, Ururu just sighed.

Tessai repressed the urge to roll his eyes. _Am I the only adult in this place?_

* * *

Talking the obstreperous Urahara into personally showing them to the Vizards was not the most difficult thing they'd ever done...but only by a small margin. Either he was being stubborn for his own mysterious amusement - not an entirely foreign notion, for the blond - or pushing him the night before had quite thoroughly put his hackles up. It had taken Shunsui apologizing with a gift (bribe) of high quality sake and Jūshirō atoning with the promise of a future favor before Kisuke had finally agreed to lead them himself.

His version of leading them, however, had Shunsui smiling and Jūshirō fighting to keep polite, because apparently he'd decided to take them on a tour first. A long one.

While this would not normally pose a problem for captains as adaptable as these two, Ukitake knew they were on a time limit. Shunsui, of course, didn't much care, and would do things in his own time regardless, but then he never had been one for rules.

They spent time at a cafe the Urahara liked, then a store he recommended for buying clothes to fit in while in the Living World and _then_ nothing would do but catching them up on the musical trends. Finally, Jūshirō couldn't bite his tongue any longer.

"Might I ask why you seem to be deliberately delaying us?" There was bite lurking just behind his smile.

Kisuke was taking a breath and about to respond when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around, flipped his fan open, and grinned broadly. "Ah, Shinji-san! I was just getting them caught up on music!"

Hirako Shinji's eyes narrowed. This was Kisuke-code for _They wanted me to take them to you_, because Kisuke wasn't going to betray their hiding place if they didn't want him to. He'd spent too many years protecting them. "I see," he said, playing along with a smile. "Anything they seem to like? Or should I recommend something?" As if Kisuke hadn't known he was going to be here sometime today.

Shunsui, ever observant behind his facades, smiled easily. He knew exactly what they were doing, but in order to keep the peace, he'd play along as well. "I've got my eye on a few, probably see if Nanao-chan or Rukia-chan will get them for me later. We were sent here, of course; Yama-jii wouldn't let two captains go at once unless it was a mission."

Shinji's eyes narrowed again, but his tone was only slightly on edge as he asked, "So it takes two captains to find us Vizards? I'm flattered. What else are you supposed to do?" _Kisuke doesn't seem on edge, so he wasn't blackmailed into finding us, so they don't seem to be resorting to desperate measures..._

"No need to be on edge," laughed Shunsui. "We're not _both _here for you! I'm here because," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder in his best friend's direction, "his healer said he couldn't go out without a leash -"

_"Shunsui!"_ Jūshirō was aghast, tone scandalized.

He laughed again, flicking a teasing glance at his old friend. "I'm his choice of companion for this trip, though I'd bet Retsu-san was counting on that when she said he had to have help." Then he glanced at the blond. "Though I've since been stuck playing peacemaker when Jū gets too eager."

The Urahara smirked. "And strangely you made a better peacemaker than Ukitake-san usually does," he agreed mildly.

Shinji blinked. _He did? _Snickering at the notion, the ex-captain watched the other white-haired man.

As Shunsui chuckled, Jūshirō didn't quite know what to make of the comment. It could have been rude, though the tone had been teasing so it probably wasn't meant that way. But the real problem he was having with the words was that Urahara generally was either straightforward...or used sleight of hand and double meanings. So which was it this time? Were the words just meant to tease? Or was he hinting that Shunsui might have to play peacemaker again?

* * *

_Finally rid of their presence,_ Kisuke thought in relief. They had just left the music store and were about to go their separate ways.

Shinji turned and was about to start walking, knowing that even if they fell behind, they would find him again. After all, he was no longer hiding his reiatsu. And then...maybe he was bored and his imagination was playing tricks on him, but...was there some strange vibe bouncing between Kisuke, Shunsui, and Jūshirō? He decided to wait and keep paying attention, leaning casually against the wall, because sometimes the most bizarre things happened when Kisuke was involved. Like the Vizards' survival, for instance. And, for that matter, Aizen's capture. So he would watch and see. If there really was some strange vibe, life was about to get really, really entertaining.

As Kisuke turned to leave, fan snapped shut and slipped into his sleeve, the brunette reached over and snagged him by the wrist.

_Oh, the _**_look!_ **Shinji laughed inwardly. _I thought he was gonna get frostbite! _But outwardly he was 'distracted' by something in the distance, a smile playing about the corners of his mouth.

Shunsui grinned charismatically. "Come with us," he invited the blond.

There was a pause, though everyone knew he was debating the best way to decline.

"Your charm doesn't work on me," Kisuke said wryly.

"I know," agreed Shunsui, grin widening. "That's why I'm bribing you."

Jūshirō snorted - and Shinji was thankful, because it covered his own and hid the fact that he was eavesdropping shamelessly.

_What a sad, sad day for this world, _was the only thing Hirako Shinji could think, because the logical minded scientist actually appeared interested. But the smile he was trying to hide broadened into a smirk.

"With what?" he queried, turning to face the brunette once more.

It had been a long, long time since anyone had managed to so completely astound Shinji, but Shunsui's next words did the trick.

"Three bottles of sake and a massage from yours truly."

The sound of Ukitake's palm hitting his face was buried under a mountain of shock - and awe. _Did he really just...? Holy shit, that took **balls...!**_

"Shunsui!" the blond chided him, laughing at the same time. "Are you propositioning me?"

Shinji didn't even have to hear the response; the look on Shunsui's face said it all.

"Who do you take me for?" he retorted. "Ichigo? Of course I am!" And he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Ukitake groaned in despair. _Great, now there's two of them, egging each other on to greater heights..._

"I'll accept the sake," countered the blond with a slight smile. "But you'll have to do better than that if you want to seduce me."

Off to the side, Shinji all but vibrated with the need to go share this news. So he turned, face once more under control, and told Kisuke, "I'm tired of waiting; you can bring them yourself."

Even as the blond raised an eyebrow Shinji was gone. But somehow he couldn't shake the feeling..._that damned Urahara already knows what I'm going to do, doesn't he? And he let me go ahead anyway. Just what the hell is he planning?_

* * *

They walked into the warehouse just in time to hear Shinji saying, "So, bets, anyone?"

Hiyori scoffed. "Why the hell would you want to bet when _he's _the one you're betting over? Nothing goes as planned when he's involved. Not for his allies, and perhaps especially for his enemies. And this will probably -"

She was cut off by Lisa, who smacked a hand onto the table and stated, "Usual stakes, and I give it a month. He's stubborn." She sat back and returned to her book, spurring the others into sudden decision.

Hachi sighed. "How inconsiderate we are, betting on a man who has risked himself to help us..." He lifted his head and met Shinji's expectant gaze. "Same, and three months, because he's stubborn and Yoruichi is bound to interfere."

Eventually everyone but Hiyori had placed their bets - ranging everywhere from one month to five hundred years, since the subjects of their gambling lived in different worlds. But Shinji was determined that all present Vizards be involved.

"Well, Hiyori? I can't place my bet until you place yours."

Growling something about insistent, arrogant bastards, she glared at him and snarled, "The usual, and thirteen years."

Satisfied at last, the silver-haired man smiled. "And my bet is the usual, seven years."

"List mine as three days," said a voice from behind him.

As one, the Vizards spun to face the door - and the trio who'd just come through it. Jūshirō was still shutting the door, so no wonder they hadn't heard anyone come in. Shinji would've mentally kicked himself for not thinking about their imminent arrival, but Hiyori did it for him. And she was just about to light into him verbally, too, when the blond raised a brow and spoke again.

"Did you hear me?" he asked. "I'll bet, too. For whatever stakes you're using, on three days."

There was a merry, wicked look in his eyes that told Shinji he knew _exactly _what they were betting on...though it didn't explain whether he had plans for three days in the future, if he was guessing - or if he was just feeling ornery and wanted to get them going.

Shunsui had been too focused on propositioning Kisuke - and keeping a leery eye out for said blond's potential reactions - to realize at the time why Shinji'd really left, so he was a little lost now. But the opportunity was too fun to pass up. "Same stakes, five days," he said casually, smile flirting about his lips as he sat down with everyone else around the table.

Hiyori's eye twitched and she made a noise that sounded like _erk. _"Changed my mind," she grunted. "Same stakes, four days."

Hachi sighed softly. "I'll change my bet as well. Same stakes, two days." _Tessai-san has said repeatedly that the one thing Urahara doesn't fully compensate for is the human element, emotion. _Then he added, "And I'll add another bet for Tessai-san, since he's not here. Same stakes, six days."

"Well, if you're betting for Tessai, consider this for Yoruichi," grinned the blond scientist. "One day."

The other Vizards changed their votes as well, until finally only Shinji was left - and Kensei, who was absent. Jūshirō just watched, bemused. He was fairly sure Shunsui didn't even know what he was betting on.

"Right, then," said the silver-haired Vizard. "I'll change mine to fifteen days, for the same stakes."

Kyōraku chuckled. "Guess I'll bet for Kensei, since you're leaving him out. Say...seventeen days? And just because I want to see the look on his face if he wins...nineteen days for the old man."

Even as Ukitake scolded his friend for a comment he thought had been about him, Kisuke caught the brunette's gaze. He grinned behind his fan, eyes dancing with appreciative humor. _It really would be amusing to see the look on the Captain-Commander's face upon being presented with prize winnings and then told that he'd won it by betting that it would be nineteen days before Kyōraku Shunsui and Urahara Kisuke got laid together._

Shunsui, having barely managed to explain to his oldest friend that the 'old man' he'd placed a bet for wasn't him, pulled a jug of sake from his sleeve. "While Jū talks to the former captains about the notion of returning, how 'bout the rest of us enjoy a drink?" As Urahara turned to leave, he snagged a handful of the man's robes. "That includes you."

A smile played about the blond's lips, but his eyes were a frozen wasteland. "Are you ordering me?" he asked softly, politely.

Shaking his head, the brunette denied the claim. "Nope. I'm not that stupid; none of us would like the results. No, I'm bribing you," he corrected with cheerful, carefully feigned nonchalance.

"Bribing?" drawled the blond. "With what, now?" he queried dubiously.

Heaving a sigh, Shunsui said, mock regretfully, "Well, since my wonderful presence isn't enough, I was thinking...four bottles of sake, the same quality as last time, and one of Jū's secrets."

Kisuke thought for a time on this. "Hm..." Then he shook his head, decisive and - to a degree - regretful. "I can't go for it, I'm afraid," he told the other man. "It's five bottles and two secrets or I'm gone."

On the sidelines, Ukitake was aghast. What the hell were they playing at? And why were they bartering _his _secrets?

Another heavy sigh, and then Shunsui grinned and nodded. "Deal. Now, let's drink and be merry!"

Knowing there was nothing he could do about his old friend, nor the blond man accompanying them, the white-haired man turned to Shinji and Rose. "Let's take this to a different room, or outside," he suggested. He flicked a glance toward the group setting cups before a cheerful Shunsui. "It looks like things are going to get loud here shortly."

Nodding, the two followed him outside, though Shinji couldn't resist making a sly comment. "Well, if they get loud it only means Yoruichi won."

Jū's only thought was, _What does that mean? What were they betting on?_

* * *

**A/N: **So, I've put up a poll on my profile so that y'all can opt for who you'd like to win the bet. ;)

And reviews are wonderfully blessed things, so please leave some. :)

Also, if you see any mistakes, please let me know. I don't always catch them, and I'm my own beta for these, though I have two wonderful people who pre-read and tell me what they think of scenes/plot. Caught myself earlier calling Lisa by Nanao's name, and felt absolutely dense. *bang head on wall here*


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